My new photo inspiration: work!
February 14th: Deactivate
I hover over the deactivate button as I prepare to slip silently off the grid. “But so and so will miss you! Do you want to send them a goodbye message?” Ehhh, I don’t think I’ve talked to that person in what, 9 years? Another hour passes while I download my archive. Just in case. No need to post about my absence – all the cool kids know where to find me.
February 16th: The Philosopher
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If I’m doing something interesting and no one is around to see it, did I really do it? Am I relevant in the 21st Century? Who am I? HAS ANYONE NOTICED MY ABSENCE??
February 18th: Phone Call to Mom
Me: Hey Ma, I am a liberated woman! Smooth sailing off the grid. Mom: Oh, it’s weird not having you on! It’s like you’re not even a person anymore. Me: This is true. You have to send me all your pictures in a text now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
February 20th: Business State of Mind
Doop da doop. What to scroll through this morning? Aha! LinkedIn. Business purposes and all. The Dow Jones Industrial Average pops up. My eyes glaze over while I enter a brief scroll coma.
February 24th: Irrelevant
Ten days. An entire week and a half has passed and no one has noticed. My cyber friends are dead to me. 😑
February 26th: But wait, an inquiry into my whereabouts!
A former colleague texts me. She invites me to a party and writes that she couldn’t find me on Facebook. I start envisioning all my FB friends secretly weeping over my absence. I make grandiose plans to revive Girl Meets Buoy to give the people what they want.
March 1st: New Month, New Woman
Facebook? What’s Facebook? This is rather exciting! No one can find me! I am a woman of mystery. Time to go frolic around Trader Joe’s and marvel at my mysterious and unpredictable wild-woman ways.
March 11th: Climbing
I’m scaling a wall at Earth Treks and my hair and outfit look great. My friend takes an awesome photo of my deceptively strong-looking arm muscles and I imagine all the people who’ve ever wronged me being impressed by my (in reality spaghetti) arms. I text the photo to Mom and Dad.
March 18th: Rejuvenation
I’m sitting on a frozen beach at 6am and no one is in sight. I’m glad that no one can see what I’m seeing. I’m especially glad that no one knows where I am.
March 31st: Cherry Blossoms Exhaust Me
It’s the last day of my Facebook fast. I walk around the Tidal Basin and it’s a soul-sucking experience. A man yells at me for being in his bike’s path and I stumble graciously into the mud so he can carry on along his way. I wish I’d stood my ground. Everyone within a 2-mile radius has their massive cameras and iPhones at the ready. I make an effort to find anyone looking at the blossoms through anything besides their lenses. Meanwhile, the Tidal Basin smells like a sewer and a Canadian Goose is trying to eat a sheet of discarded plastic.
Tomorrow marks the end of my proposed 40-day fast, but I don’t know if I’m ready to go back on social media – being undiscoverable is too good to pass up for now. This isn’t to say I’ll never be back. Maybe one day! But for now, I shall revel in the muddy shadows of pink cherry blossoms.
Also, if this isn’t the most adorable butter lamb / corgi butt I’ve ever carved…Happy Easter!
Girl Meets Buoy ... 
I too want to be a woman of mystery!
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